Puff & blog.

Over the past few months, I have neglected visiting you & writing stuff whether it is sensible or not. Working in the BPO industry took all of my "personal-madaling-araw-time" and when it is hitting the sack time, I fail to open you up, rather check social networking sites. Tss. I did allow my time to be killed effortlessly, ending up doing less productive activities.

Later will be my Day 3 of "hayahay mode". Had filed 3 days leave, and the next 2 days will be my rest days. Luckily, accomplished a couple of errands: Finalized my daughter's Grade 1 enrollment the other day, though there are still some catching ups to do. Finished the last few episodes of The Walking Dead and Damon & Elena's next in line after this entry.

Okay, I will be jotting down very random ideas. I just want to pull em all out from my head, I need to de-clutter or else they will all feed in my pessimistic thoughts, my demons will be triggered.

My strange ex-partner and I have not spoken a word in ages. More or less, mga 8 years na. Two weeks ago or so, I took enough courage to hit his inbox via Facebook asking for help since our daughter is an up coming grade school learner. What he did isn't surprising. It was even actually what I waited for him to do. He did block me, or he could've deleted his page instead. Either way, wala syang pakialam. Again, face palm kumbaga na no matter how long has it been, he still refuses to acknowledge his responsibility.

Was I hurt? Yes. Not just a woman, but more of a mother. The feeling of rejection is greater for my daughter, and that I have been enduring for the years that have gone by & surely will do the same with the next coming years. Do I regret it? No. Oh wait, let me lit a cigarette. There was nothing to lose anymore anyway. Ego, pride? What for? Kung sa ikakabuti naman ng sitwasyon/buhay ng anak ko, I would risk anything.

If only I could speak to him. Let him know how wonderful his daughter is. How their smile resembles so much that it tears me apart not to have her father around. That it is my failure to not save the "family" we had once. We were okay back then. WAY BACK. Yung impact ng nakaraan sa ngayon ko hindi na magbabago. Hindi na mabubura. 

I don't expect people to understand nor to sympathize anymore. Respecting how I feel is more than enough.

And did I just read Jam 88.3's in search of new disc jocks? Now that lits up my night. Have been wondering of shifting career at medyo napapaisip ako mag-try of something new. Eeeek!!! And this is their spiel!!! Tungunu, kinabahan ako bigla! Should I or should I? This what eats me alive e, sitting on the fence & letting things pass by. 

Ano naman if I fail? That is normal. Everybody does fail. Katring, give it a shot! Live life without fears. 

Yay! Different aspects of something yung entry ko for tonight. Di masyadong OA. Di din pa-deep na ewan. Fulfilled my plan of blogging again kahit pahapyaw lang. Still convincing myself of passing my sample spiel in Jam's. Bahala na si Bathala sakin, si Batman naman kay ex! Lol.

Sana Dati.

 "Time as you know, it never finds its way back home."

--Archipelago. MRI. 

Sa malamang maraming naka-relate kay Andrea (Lovi Poe). Kung paanong sa kagustuhan nyang takasan ang nakaraan e isinusugal ang ngayon sa walang kasiguraduhang kinabukasan. Her portrayal was very impressive. Extereme yung datingan e, yung sobra siyang masaya at malungkot. Ang galing!!! Ang past, present at future. Magkaka-buhol, entertwined sa bawat isa.. Sabi nga ni Dennis (Paulo Avelino), "Sumpa natin to e. Time warp."

She is marrying Ronald (TJ Trinidad). A politician who fell in love with her during his campaign. That day was very unusual. Andrea was oblivious & did not show any signs of excitement in becoming a bride. Later on, I have fully found out why. Thanks to Dennis entering the picture. Naungkat ang kahapon effortlessly. Nadala niyang muli si Andrea sa kandungan ng nakaraan. He made her question today by visiting the past. Funny din dito si Paulo Avelino kasi hindi naman sya as in videographer unlike her brother. Hehe. 

Just like anyone else, Andrea has her "exceptional love", Andrew (Benjamin Alves). Their heyday was very ideal. Sabi nga ni Andrea, "Tayo, perfect." But nothing's perfect. Death cheated them and Andrea was left with nothing else but to go on. Pero ang tanong dun, kung nakagalaw ba sya, yung totoong humakbang palayo sa nakaraan. And can I just say, ang charming ni Benjamin Alves dito? I mean it. They look cute together. Hihi.

Walking down Andrea & Andrew's memory lane was very heart breaking. I myself did look back & felt haunted still. At the same time, the aliw factor with their lines were pretty cute, like, "Gusto mong mag make love sa loob?" (pertaining to the newly rented shop of Andrea) or yung, "Kung ganito pala mamatay, edi sige, call ako" (to which Andrew will leave Pangasinan to follow Andrea in Manila)

I am also concluding na fan ni John Cusack si Jerrold Tarog. Mantakin mong, trip niyang ipangalan sa flower shop e, "Say Anything" pati yung soon-to-be-name ng anak ni Andrea for a boy e Cusack. O kitams? Or is it only me thinking about it? Mehehe.

Pero one thing na inabangan ko sa movie & the main reason I was very eager to see it, Indak of Up Dharma Down is the soundtrack. It was very timing sa scene when finally, Andrea did bid farewell to Andrew. Leaving her blue flats before heading back to Manila. Prior to that, kinalungkot ko din yung pagsalubong ni Ronald kay Andrea sabay sabi, "Nagpaalam ka na sakanya?" to which she was clueless on how he knew all about Andrew, from the start.

Dun ako humagulgol e. For real, I felt my heart cracked & uncontrollably, tears started running down my eyes. Feeling ko, sinapian ako ni Andrea, the huge difference though is that I kept the ghost inside of me conquer until this day. 

And when she said "I love you" to Robert for the first time, bitin, nakaka-bigla pero alam mong sincere. Because finally, she felt found again. She managed to face her past, getting all along with present to keep things still for the future.

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Dahil super abang ako sa mga linyahan nila, I needed to have my journal on my lap to not miss any memorable quotes (tyaga kung tyaga):

"Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd." --Voltaire

"Mahal mo ba talaga sya?" --Jamie.

"Ang bilis ng mga pangyayari. Nakakahilo ang bilis." --Andrew

Andrea: "Anong ginagawa mo dito?"

Dennis: "Gusto lang kitang makilala"

Andrew: "Kinakabahan ako sayo."

Andrea: "Ako rin"

"I love you. At walang difference kung sabihin ko sayo to ng ganito kaaga." --Andrew

"Maraming hindi sigurado sa araw na to. Sa future naten. Sigurado akong mahal kita. Naiintindihan mo yun?" --Ronald

"Convince me to marry you. I might say yes." --Andrea

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Kudos to the whole cast & team of Sana Dati!!! Trilogy of Director Jerrold Tarog. Kanya pala yung Confessional, na once in a while nata-timingan sa Cinema One. The second part is Mangatyanan na hindi ko pa napapanood. Hehe.

A not so overrated love story. Recommended to be watched for those who are still stranded from their past (just like me). Pero sana, gaya ni Andrea, hindi man tayo maka-ending ng gaya ni Ronald, mahalaga, maka-isang hakbang man lang tayo. Paunti-until ng makaraos sa kahapon sabay sa tugtugang Indak, na sobrang eargasmic ang datingan :)

ATTENTION: Kids Section!

While strolling in Megamall, one of Unicef's volunteer approached me handing over sign-off sheets wherein I was quite adamant about. Anyway, the very petite girl who's sporting her cutie pixie hair (na trip ko din to be my next hair do. Yay!) asked for my signature for a very tricky yet affecting question: "What is the most important for kids?"

The four choices:

1. Health & Nutrition

2. Education

3. Shelter

4. Protection

*Have you thought of your answer then?

With no delay, I did sign that paper and chose the fourth option. And have observed that for the first 20+ signatures, I was the only one who considered "Protection" as what is the most needed of kids. With that instance, I asked the volunteer, "How can you provide the other three if you are not genuinely concern & loving to kids?". By securing them emotionally, of us being adults mean more that what could those other aspects do for them.

I even eagerly asked if she's indeed a volunteer, and with a warm smile, she said, "Yes, maam. May 3 months na po. Pero yung iba, may 1 year na." (Note: I was in my very manghang-mangha look upon haring this. Hehe) Hence, my curiosity & "chikadora" side kicks in, I further asked questions. So here are some info I got (from her & the web):

• Visit www.ph.jobsdb.com and start searching for Unicef. I'm giving you my best regards in using its Search tab. Wasn't really useful. Natanga lang ako. Mehehe!
• Anyway, decided to use Google (because Google helps, srsly) and found this page: http://www.unicef.org/philippines/aboutus_jobopportunities.html#.Ug0sDtJLUwg
• Scroll down a bit and full details on how to become a volunteer can be found.
• Their main office is in Makati. So if you are from North, definitely it's quite troublesome (considering its distance & the outrageous hindi-ako-makamove-on-scene of EDSA)

Did end the small talk by simply saying, "Good luck! Sana makarami kayo ng signatures!" With that simple gesture, I can say that it became meaningful. Hopefully, those signatures will go a long way.

Just to share. One of my dreams, is to have an NGO (not inspired by Napoles at any way. Hoho!) that seeks to take care of kids. From abandoned fragile babies, to abused ones, out-of-school youth, child laborers et al. 

Pangarap kong dumating ang isang araw na hindi na laman ng lansangan ang mga bata. Ang hindi na sila kasa-kasangkapan ng mga sindikato/ng mga masasamang loob. Na hindi malulutong na murahan kundi tawanan ang aalingaw-ngaw sa mga bibig nila. Na ang kanilang matutuna'y karunungan imbes na kamunduhan.

Ang manatili silang ligtas at hindi nakahain na pambitag sa mga hayok ang laman. Sa murang edad, gusto kong maranasan nila ang "tears of joy" hindi ang luha ng sakit/pagdurusa. Bilang bata, karapatan nilang maalagaan at hindi pabayaan. Ang mahalin at hindi abusuhin. Ang mapagod kakalaro at hindi ng kaka-trabaho." 

For the time being, alam ko, simpatya, dasal at paganito-ganito lang ang magagawa ko. Incapable pako ng mga da moves to be involved. Pero paano ba't darating tayo dyan sa dapat kalagyan. If each & everyone will just have a heart for this concern aside from sa mga maka-bagong isyung inaaarte naten, siguro paunti-unti, magiging reality din ito.

Kung ang bawat like/share/tweet/retweet/heart/comment e may kaakibat na aksyon at butihing intensyon, magiging mabangis ang ending ng ganitong masaklap na isyu. Bow.

In Between Life & Death

I am recalling one instance wherein I asked Mama to watch this very eccentric vid in YouTube about kids that are "serial killers". In the middle of it, Mama paused it & said, "If there's a very high bridge, a normal person would be scared to death in peeking but you, you will take a leap & let yourself fall."

How strange it was for her to say it, well in fact all I wanted was for her to see the video. She then hugged me & said, "You are bothered." That's when I broke down, hugged her tight and all I remember was that I continuously cried. 

SUICIDE.

Have you ever thought of dying or worse, killing yourself? Because I have.

I was 18 when this word first crossed my mind. And ever since, it never left me. Once in a while I still think of not just killing myself but dying per se.

Pain fascinates me. Hence dying seems to be fascinating. As on why and how I have thought of that? I'm still left clueless. Maybe because I once felt it. "To live an unlived life". 

So I try to retreat from tormenting memories. Haunting events from the past that will trigger my "saltik". Taking in charge of pain & hyped emotions is something I am trying to overcome.

It was months ago when I did cut my wrists for several time, for several days. Until my emotions weren't that hyped anymore. That's the only time I put a stop on it. Whenever I do that, I feel things are more real. How strange for someone who is leaving to dream about death. 

One time, I was scanning one of my diaries, and found a note that says, "I hope one day, death will find me." Recovering is not easy especially if you are fighting with it on your own. But I have my own means of diverting my anxiety. Hopefully it does work all the time.

Currently I am pretty okay on handling what life throws at me. Pain is one inevitable thing in this world. But I choose to be strong & be driven of keeping my sanity, somehow. 

I don't encourage people to think of dying or killing themselves, however it's a reality that we could not escape from. Yet, optimistically, what I want people to do is to be aware of life & on how to make it worthwhile. 

Just like what Dr. Blake in Veronika Wants to Die said, "Doesn't it feel better to be better?"

"Huling Indak"

Eto naaaaaaa.

Sa oras na mabasa mo ito, wag mo ko itetext, o tawagan, wag mo din ako imessage o ibuzz sa ym, o maski ang hanapin sa fb. Maging ang puntahan ako sa may samen, o sa opisina. Di ako assuming, pina pangunahan lang kita. 

Sa isang buong linggong nag daan, unti unti, pinaramdam mo sakin kung paano ang iwan, ang walang marinig ni ho ni ha mula sayo. Oo nga pala, given, celebration nga pala. Makakalimutin lang minsan. Uulitin ko, sa mga araw na wala ka, matinding pangungulila ang nadama ko. Pakiramdam ko, higit kang malayo sa akin, at di ka na babalik. 

Iniwan mo ako. Ibinalik mo ang sakit na dati ng nawaglit sa akin. Pinaalala mong muli ang pakiramdam na matagal ko ng tinakasan. 

I had the feeling of drifting away from you.

Natapos na ang isang linggo, back to normal na ang lahat. Maliban sa akin, at sa nararamdaman ko. May puwang sa pagitan nating dalawa, at di maikukubli, may nagbago, higit para sa iyo kaysa sa akin. Sa malamang, napagtibay ang inyong relasyon ng nangyaring bakasyon. Maganda yan. Maigi para sa inyong dalawa, yan naman ang nararapat.

Ganito pala yun, ulit. Ang iwanan at baliwalain. Kung sa bagay, sanay naman ako, ano pa bang bago sa sitwasyon na ito. Akala ko handa na ako, na indahin ang bawat oras, araw na lumilipas at lilipas ng wala ka. Dapat kong kayanin, hindi ako pwedeng manghina. Pipilitin ko, itatago ko ang sakit, ang lungkot, aangkinin ko, at yayakapin ang ano mang nakakapag pabagabag na emosyong meron ako ngayon. 

Higit akong nangungulila mula sayo. Sa mga tawanan, seryosong usapan, bwisitan, lalo na ang pagla lambing mo. Hinahanap hanap ka ng diwa ko, pilit kang inaalala ng utak ko, ang huling pag uusap na namagitan saten. 

Namiss kita. Namimiss kita. Walang halong biro. Ni minsan, di ka nawaglit sa isip ko.

Pero ito na siguro yung timing na tinatawag nila, hindi ito positive timing, pero kelangan ko na sigurong bumitaw. Ang ibalik ang nararapat na respeto para sa karelasyon mo. Mas kaya kong umiyak, at masaktan, kaysa sa ang manakit ng iba. Hindi kita sinusuko. Subali't datapwa't ito ang tama. Higit kanino man, ako dapat ang mag isip ng kung ano ba ang dapat gawin. 

Walang madali sa paglayo. Sa pananahimik na gagawin ko. Tahimik akong lalayo, at iiyak. Wala kang bakas na makikita kung gaano kalugmok ang pakiramdam ko sa mga oras na ito. Hinding hindi ako magiging abala para sayo. Kaya ko to!

Mahal kita. Mamahalin kita sa kabila ng mga ngyari. Abangan na lang nateng dumating ang araw na wala ng lahat na to, na babalika na lang naten ang mga panahong ito bilang isang magandang alaala. 

Tayong dalawa lamang ang nakaka alam.

Gustong gusto kita. And if there is one thing I am sorry about, that is I am a year late to fall in love with you. I am sorry.

************************************
Sa di sinasadyang pagkakataon, may nahalungkat na naman ako. Sa dis-oras ng gabi. Yung petsa ng pagkaka-save ko nito sa Facebook e nung November 13, 2011 pa. 

Bigo rin naman akong ipa-abot ito sakanya. At sa kasalukuyan, patuloy pa rin naming gina-gambala ang isa't-isa.

Ngayon na nga lang maga-update ng blog, maka LLP pa. *LasLasPulso* Hay!!! Ang pathetic/praning/kabwiseeeeet/martyr lang. Gaya mo at ng lahat ng tinamaan ng panahon ng pag-ibig. 

Apir!

Then 9th of February comes along.

It was his prominent face. The odd feeling you get in a dull morning that makes it less of ordinary and more surprising one. As clear as the morning light then, I recognized him. I was seemingly drowning into his presence. But I needed to fight back the gravity that pulls me towards him. I desperately needed to hold it back. My resolution was to show my facade face of not seeing him. Fooling who else but myself. With that split second, it was over. We passed by each other just like usual strangers would do. And in that clear and windy morning, hysteria raged in. I was torn between ecstasy and melancholy.

The 9th of February will always remind me of how finally, what we started came to an end. Of how none of us stopped the mark of our downfall. It became a silent agreement. One that I cannot fathom and will not. And cliche as it may seem, it all turns out to be part of our history-- memories that I can only visit once in a while but not to be stayed on any longer. 

Four days to go before I turn 24!

"Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it and you might just regret it."

Four more days to go and officially, I will be turning 24! Yihee! Tatanda na naman ako. Which is good kasi lagi kong niloo-look forward ang tumanda. I always wanted that feeling of becoming a grown-up. Of not being treated like a child anymore. Papa Jesus, please pakidagdagan po ang aking wisdom! Chos.

Along with the excitement that I have, somehow this year I feel a little bad that I won't be able to celebrate nor have a good time on my special day. Just my luck, starting on Wednesday until Sunday, I will be having the schedule of working from 10PM-7AM!!! Now the plans that I have thought of just few days ago has been changed. Na-excite pa naman ako kasi by 19, may gig ang UDD in SaGuijo. So okay, no choice, mukhang by February pako makakanood ng gig. And even if my birthday is on a Friday, still, there's no way for me to chill and grab a bottle of beer. HA! But my friend, if you have a good heart, feel free to drop me a line on the 18th! Alright? :)

Sa super excited na mag-shift ng career, o ayan, sagasa karamihan sa mga plans. Another adjustment for me on how on weekends, I should be on the work mode. Pero ano ba naman yun compare sa "night differential" na sulit na sulit. And since newby, syempre kelangang magpakitang gilas! Ehem ehem!

And I am starting my entryt out with my rants. Haha. But on the lighter side, I have really wanted of not having time with my extra-curricular activities. The feeling of always available to any rampas, nakaramdam din ako ng pagod. And the fact that I seldom go online, mostly I'm happy with it. Unlike before na bawat kembot ko e announced! Chos. At least now, people are more interested of knowing what's going on with you. Mas mysterious, mas maraming fans! Chos!

I know I don't write as sensible as before (as if namang makabuluhan talaga ko mag-sulat), but don't worry mga mars since I will be really trying hard to keep up with the issues/topics that I have been talking about in the past. For now, pag-tyagaan nyo muna ang aking nakayanan.

I'll get back to my blog as soon as I can! :)

The way he caresses her made her shiver
Until now she can still feel him getting in to her deep skin
His lips felt perfectly fits hers as he pulled her closer
She knew she was captivated by his every kiss and touch

It was his strong arms that made her stay
With each grip, he knows she can't resist
The silent night witnessed how they intertwined
Its chilly breeze made them more hungry to hold each other tight

They surrendered of becoming sinful then
Undoubtedly they wanted to make love with each other
But just then, she had changed her mind
Figuring out that something doesn't seem right

She admitted her weakness and wanting to escape
He found himself in dismay once again
The trail of what has happened a year ago took place in that moment
And now both of them has to act as if nothing happened

How strange for them to be able to do that
But as she stepped away from him, she knew she did what is right
She knows her heart is hungry for warm touch and that it's true love
she would like to taste and have.

Game over, December.

"Life is full of uncertainties, you'll never know when to be certain."

This year blew me away with all its drastic changes. Which they say is the only constant thing in this world. But as what my sister say, it's not just change that is constant, it's also the "memories". So with the final entry that I will be writing down tonight, let me walk you through as to how 2012 has been to me.

1. I have this odd-age fetish. So when I turned 23 last January, I made sure that I will be having a fun night filled with beers and friends. And true to that, my last birthday went crazy! But since this coming year, it's my 24th  birthday, I will not be having those normal celebration. What I have in mind is to do a charity work, and hopefully, time and my budget will allow me to.

2. Up Dharma Down has been my favorite OPM band and I am such a fan girl that even after work, I still watch their gigs. Even if it takes me to travel from North to South! I've not been able to see them perform due to my work schedule, but this 2013, babawi ako.

3. By February, I once again felt how it's like to broken-hearted. To someone who was a good friend. WAS. It's a shame how you use past tense describing as on how you were with someone. You have to go on and pretend that nothing happened. That you never met. That he never came along. My love month tormented me. Chos!

4. My smoking habit worsen and I enjoyed how puffing makes me feel dizzy. With each cigarette sticks, I found comfort. I made myself believe on that. But with self-motivation, somehow I was able to get rid of it. Little by little. Still in the process.

5. It was the month of June that I had to work 14 hours a day. A part-time job that lasted for 3 months with the 9AM-1PM schedule and my full-time job with the 2PM-11PM . It was challenging. Indeed. And it made me work my ass continuously! There I met Korean kids whom I treated as my own child since they were just on their own here in Manila and they became really close to me. Guess they have forgotten about me now. Dramarama! And even if Habagat hit the city non-stop, I still did go to work the following day. And to my surprise, I was the only employee who went to work! Talk about being "workaholic" :p

6. It was also in the second quarter that I was able to start my blog. Which has been my plan for months and that at last was able to do. Currently I have 59 blog entries and I couldn't be anymore happy that I was able to do this now. Sharing thoughts as to what issue I want to talk about has been very relieving and knowing that there are some who are "supporting" me makes my heart super happy! However, I feel sorry that I couldn't write as often as I want to. But still, this blog will be kept updated no matter what.

7. It's also in this year that after almost 3 years of working, I was able to buy gadgets. Hehe. I'm not really techie nor someone totally interested in new stuff but I did really feel great that I was able to buy my laptop, Canon camera and my qwerty Nokia phone. Haha. While everyone's going gaga over the touch-touch thingy, what I prefer is still the basics. It makes me smile knowing I bought things because I worked hard for it :)

8. I have always believed that Papa Jesus knows how strong I am and that still He molds me to be a stronger one. It is after 5 years that I talked to him once again. Talk to him in a sense of asking him as on what He is planning for me. Of how he sees me as His child. I admit I don't believe in the Bible, but that doesn't make me less of a believer. That doesn't make me a sinner. My faith in Him has grew stronger. With Him, I find peace and certainty. I hope you do too.

9. As I grow older, misunderstanding between my mother happens differently. Yes, most of the time because of reasons that are petty. But some that are serious enough that drives her mad. But I have learned how to pacify her. And I guess it's just normal that things like that happen. Other than being her child, I myself is also a mother so I try as much as I could to grasp more of what she say. Which is not really easy since I am stubborn. Hoho. 

10. My unica hija turned 5 years old by the beginning of ber-month and the best way to let loose is to go on leave which I yearly do and to have a feast with the family. Now I have a little dalaga who knows how to answer back in a very clever manner. Ako na ang nauubusan ng Ingles! Yes! Haha. P.S. I can now tie her hair. I have waited for this in years. Haha

11. I retreat to reading and having a diary after ages. And although I can't finish writing in my journal because mostly it's not allowed at work, with the use of my phone, still I was able to make drafts of what I feel, what I think and what goes on in my eccentric mind. I have been buying notebooks wherein the first few pages were only used. Ha! And now I'm keeping all those locked up. Chos! Thrift bookstore serves as my haven whenever I go to malls since I always buy books that really interests me. This year, I was able to finish 5 books I think. Boo! Now I'm currently finishing the sixth. As what the writings in Fullybooked, The Block say, "Life happened because I turned the pages."

12. It was October that suddenly, our Korean company finally decided to stop its operation and to let go of its employees. For almost 3 years, my colleagues became my friends and the normal "Hi, hello" turned into long hour of chitchats that I have been missing. That company became my home. And it has been easy to get along to all the people I have worked with. Even with the Management. Although the presence of collision is there, still the years I have worked there will always be precious to me.

13. The following surprised me by a phone call from a BPO company and luckily, I became part of Wave 51 for a Telecom company. It's a new environment. A whole new world filled with uncertainties to people that I will be working with, and even to the field itself. Shifting schedule bewildered me. I was caught in the middle and now there's no turning back. This is what I have been planning for. Now I'm here, there's no way out anymore.

14. And for the final month of the year, our family will be celebrating New Year differently. I finally gave in to Mama's request of going to Cavite and spending the next 3 days there. What I just hope for is that my mood swings won't be attacking by then. After that, I will be starting my countdown to my 24th birthday. Yay!

Under all the circumstances that 2012 put me through, still I am completely thankful as on how it started, how it went on, and on how it will end. It was not a perfect year, it was not totally the best year, but it was a year that made me stand on my own two feet toughly. It challenged me as on how I will take life to the extreme limit. And that's what makes this year eminent.

Quota ako ng tawa at iyak sa taong ito and yet, wala akong kasawa-sawang madama ang dalawa sa pinakamati-tinding emosyon. Surely, happines and saidness goes hand in hand. 

I lost people. Gained new ones. Lost a job. Found a better one. It's your faith in yourself that you must not lose. Ever. And the love in your heart that makes you smile day after day even if the world gives up on you.

Stranger, always have a strong heart. Until next year! :)

Cheers to December!

It's now 2:34 in the morning and the caffeine from the 4 cups of coffee I have drank is still on its finest work pace. It wouldn't allow me to sleep yet. It's already Sunday, but it doesn't seem like. Few hours ago, I was in the office rendering a weekend shift. It was odd. It was the initial time and I don't want to do it again. Felt there was something wrong. Normally I should just be spending the whole weekend at home watching all my "just-finished-downloaded-TV-series" thanks to Torrent. Or looking after my kid, and doing my usual motherhood chores. Or do the "tamad-tamaran" peg.

But that's now over. What I am looking forward to next week is our graveyard shift-- 11PM-8AM! Weewoo! Alright, that would be really challenging since the maximum time for me to still be awake after work would be until 6AM. Good luck to me in advance and hopefully, my "nocturnality" won't disappoint me in this crucial time. Haha.

Hmm. Later, it will be the wedding of one of my college best friends. Yay! And here I am still in front of the monitor writing whatever it is that I want to. Sadly, I wouldn't be able to be on her special day. And I really feel bad about it. I know she's upset since we were really the friends back then in our college days. But since I just got into a new company, my finances are quite in the recession peg that I couldn't afford spending much-- especially for her wedding gift. Bet I just have to meet her up next time. Huhu. Sorry friend! (This time, I just realized, her wedding is now over)

Last 24th, it was the birthday of our Motherhood, and the usual way of us celebrating would be just having dinner. And that Sunday night, the day after, we managed to go out and spend some quality time together. We simply gave her flowers and cake as a "token" for her birthday. She was really happy. We were too. To have more of those would be really wonderful I think.

While last 28th, my favorite OPM band, Up Dharma Down, released their 3rd album, Capacities! How devastating it was for me to not be there, not even having any of their Capacities set, dahil nga sa, walang anda when they had the reservation chuva! Huhu. Poorita Jones lang ang peg. I miss attending their gigs. I miss listening to Armi, Ean, Los and Paul playing their overrated and underrated songs. I miss 19 East, SaGuijo. I'm not a fan anymoreeeeeeee! OA-yan ko pa. Haha. Nami-miss ko na yung mga UDD nights. Seryoso. Ha!

Basically, the past few days/weeks has been about my new work. The things I have to learn about it is not easy, effort kung effort sa pag-aaral ang dating! I am also making my baby more aware as on how changes would be drastic and so far, she's doing quite good on it. She's still up watching cartoons at this time. Hoho! Establishing good relationship with my new colleagues is also not easy. Some are very sociable and I can easily start a small talk with. Yung mga simple lang and onting chika, bet na! But some are "so-so", and maybe conceited? Ha! I'll know more of their inner devilish aura later on and will let you know about it. Chos! It has been enjoyable based on how the training went on but I still have to be cautious because it's gonna be a long and winding road for me to take.

Now that it's the last month of 2012, partly I'm affected about the "Doomsday" thing. Are you? They say it will happen on the 21st so I am just hoping that I am already home once the end of the world starts. Haha! No really, I am affected about it. Haha. But other than that, it's the season for "road-runners-of-your-valuables" to attack in the scariest way. So again, be vigilant, and don't let yourself be a victim. Wag shu-shunga-shunga!

On the lighter side, Christmas breeze can be felt every morning/evening. It has becoming quite chilly, so you can do some layering with your clothes and be really "feeling-lamig-na-lamig-lang" just like me. Haha. So if you do feel like wearing layers of cardigans/sweaters/jackets/hoodies etc, panindigan mo yan! Haha. After your daily Haggardo Versoza peg, I hope that each Christmas decor/lights/songs that you see or hear can cheer you up and can put a smile on your face. The colorful street lights is onething I always look forward to during this time of the year. It never fials to brighten up my mood.

Other than that "simoy ng hangin", I don't know if it's just me, but obviously, the "malansang-amoy-ng-eleksyon" can also be smelled/felt/seen. Lahat lahat na! Haha. Funny how they are effortlessly wearing their masks while smiling/waving hands/acting/doing their publicity thing for the upcoming circus event on 2013. Now I know why clowns scare me. They are some how clowns deceiving people. Echos!

Whew! I have written enough for my first entry of December. Even if I am becoming really busy, once in a while, updating my blog will still be one of my to-do list.

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I failed in publishing this two days ago, but who cares! Basta, this is my entry for December 02. Haha! Good morning mga mars! :) Yes, just woke up and in 5 hours, I will be heading back to work. Boo! :p