Over the past few months, I have neglected visiting you & writing stuff whether it is sensible or not. Working in the BPO industry took all of my "personal-madaling-araw-time" and when it is hitting the sack time, I fail to open you up, rather check social networking sites. Tss. I did allow my time to be killed effortlessly, ending up doing less productive activities.
Later will be my Day 3 of "hayahay mode". Had filed 3 days leave, and the next 2 days will be my rest days. Luckily, accomplished a couple of errands: Finalized my daughter's Grade 1 enrollment the other day, though there are still some catching ups to do. Finished the last few episodes of The Walking Dead and Damon & Elena's next in line after this entry.
Okay, I will be jotting down very random ideas. I just want to pull em all out from my head, I need to de-clutter or else they will all feed in my pessimistic thoughts, my demons will be triggered.
My strange ex-partner and I have not spoken a word in ages. More or less, mga 8 years na. Two weeks ago or so, I took enough courage to hit his inbox via Facebook asking for help since our daughter is an up coming grade school learner. What he did isn't surprising. It was even actually what I waited for him to do. He did block me, or he could've deleted his page instead. Either way, wala syang pakialam. Again, face palm kumbaga na no matter how long has it been, he still refuses to acknowledge his responsibility.
Was I hurt? Yes. Not just a woman, but more of a mother. The feeling of rejection is greater for my daughter, and that I have been enduring for the years that have gone by & surely will do the same with the next coming years. Do I regret it? No. Oh wait, let me lit a cigarette. There was nothing to lose anymore anyway. Ego, pride? What for? Kung sa ikakabuti naman ng sitwasyon/buhay ng anak ko, I would risk anything.
If only I could speak to him. Let him know how wonderful his daughter is. How their smile resembles so much that it tears me apart not to have her father around. That it is my failure to not save the "family" we had once. We were okay back then. WAY BACK. Yung impact ng nakaraan sa ngayon ko hindi na magbabago. Hindi na mabubura.
I don't expect people to understand nor to sympathize anymore. Respecting how I feel is more than enough.
And did I just read Jam 88.3's in search of new disc jocks? Now that lits up my night. Have been wondering of shifting career at medyo napapaisip ako mag-try of something new. Eeeek!!! And this is their spiel!!! Tungunu, kinabahan ako bigla! Should I or should I? This what eats me alive e, sitting on the fence & letting things pass by.
Ano naman if I fail? That is normal. Everybody does fail. Katring, give it a shot! Live life without fears.
Yay! Different aspects of something yung entry ko for tonight. Di masyadong OA. Di din pa-deep na ewan. Fulfilled my plan of blogging again kahit pahapyaw lang. Still convincing myself of passing my sample spiel in Jam's. Bahala na si Bathala sakin, si Batman naman kay ex! Lol.
