To resign? To resign?

"Resignation Letter?"

I was employed under this Korean company two years ago. At first, I was satisfied with the issues when it comes to salary deductions, regulations especially benefits. Not until this year came and I tend to understand more the essence of these factors. As a regular employee, automatically you are entitled of receiving the 3 most necessary benefits under the Philippine Law: SSS, PhilHealth and PAG-IBIG.

Hand-in-hand, employers and employees are assigned to fulfill their tasks with its remittances. But I guess it's no longer a new issue upon Korean companies who are having their delaying tactics when it comes to this serious matter.

They deduct from your monthly salary, yet upon checking your accounts, it's all empty-handed. You ask the Manager in charge for documents, but to no acknowledgement at all. They kept you waiting for days, months until it's either you have totally forgotten about it or you just lost interest in updating. 

Those two years you have worked hard. Whether there's a typhoon, huge flooding or you're terribly sick, you still need to kick your ass out and go to work just not to have pricey deductions. Valid reasons? No, they will not accept any!

And this is what you get after all. How troublesome! 

It's saddening. Daily you are weakened by what is going on. Annoyed with the faces of these people who tricked you instead. 

Hearing a lot of hearsay isn't doing me any good. Want my mind to just be blown away. Away from this office right now and get away from the sickening situation. Disappointing. 

It's now a matter of "Do or Die"!!!

Sa dis-oras ng gabi...

Dear JG,

Lately, naaalala kita ng matindi kesa sa mga nakaraang araw. Nag iisip ako ng rason o kaya kahit na anong excuse para maging valid yung pakikipag-usap ko sayo. Kung tutuusin, may almost 3 months na since nung last tayong nagka-text. Yun pa yung pinag-yabang ko sayo yung picture ko kasama si DJ Toni Tony. Yun yung time na nagkaalaman tayong blocked ka na sa Facebook ko. Isang move na ginawa ko para sa sarili ko. Para di kita pakatitigan pa lalo.

Naghiwalay tayo, este nag decide pala tayo na wag na muna mag-usap nung February 9. Mantakin mo, almost 7 months ago na pala yun. Lagpas lagpasan na sa “3 month rule” kung tawagin.

Sa totoo lang, masakit talaga. Yung kung paano natapos yung pagkakaibigan naten. Higit pang nakadagdag na dinelete mo yung mga friends ko sa Facebook mo. Parang feeling ko, “Okay, sadyang ayaw na nya ng any communication between us”. Ang daming mga kuro-kurong nabuo sa akin. Yung naba-blanko ka na kasi sa dami ng tanong mo, di mo alam kung anong uunahin at kung paano tatanungin. Ilang beses kong nahuhuli yung sarili ko na tulala, naglalakbay sa kawalan ang diwa.

Ang daya isipin na yung friendship naten nauwi lang sa ganito. Na parang di tayo naging magkakilala. Bakit ganun? Ano bang nagawa ko para maging ganito yung pakikitungo mo sakin? Alam mo ba na, mas masakit yung mawalan ng kaibigan kesa sa iniibig? Hindi ko alam kung naging mali ba talaga na nain-love ako sayo e.

Madaming bagay ang gusto kong ikuwento sayo. Mapa tungkol sa Plagiarism ni Sen. Sotto. Yung nag suicide kanina sa LRT. Yung birthday ng anak ko next week. Yung issue sa opisina. Yung UAAP— grabeng kulelat ang UE! Si Ian Somerhalder na nanggaling na dito sa Pinas at syang gaganap bilang Christian Grey. Yung pagtatapos ng part time ko. Yung bago kong cellphone na “qwerty” lang, na madaming themes at madaming astig na mga kanta. Yung bagong kong laptop na nagsa-static— na baka pwede mong ayusin. Gusto ko ring ipagmalaki yung mga bago kong libro. Mga movies na ako mismo ang nag download. MADAMI!!! Madaming madami pa!!!

Pero pipilitn ko i-divert yung attention ko. Pipigilan ko yung sarili ko na di intindihan pa masyado yung pangungulila ko sayo, at sa pagkakaibigan naten.

Wala akong kaide-ideya ng kung anong nagaganap sayo. Ganun pa man, sana nasa maayos ka at masaya lang. Ikaw ang nagsabing kahit anong mangyari, wag na wag kong kakalimutang naging mabuti tayong mag kaibigan. Nasan na ngayon yun? Nasan na ang kaibigan ko? Nalimot na ata nya ang kahapon o hinayaaan nyang limutin ang kahapon.

Gaya ng sabi sa Minsan, “Ngunit kung sakaling mapadaan baka ikaw ay aking tawagan… dahil minsan tayo ay naging tunay na magkaibigan…”

PS. Wag kang mag-alala, di ka gagambalain ng isipan at lumbay ko.

Tiwala lang sa Musikang Pilipino dre!

http://www.philstar.com/Article.aspx?articleId=841513

Namulat ako sa maagang edad na tuwing Linggo, asahan mong tugtugang Basil Valdez, Noel Cabangon at mga UG na kanta ang mariringgan sa bahay namen.

Yung mga magulang ko, oldies but goodies mga yun lalo na sa taste nila sa musika. No doubt na meron sila yung mga “song hits” at “cassette tapes”. Naalala ko, madalas ko binabasa yung mga song hits tapos may pagka urat akong madadama pag narinig ko na si Mr. Basil sa speaker namen. Pero si Mama, tuwang tuwa sya dun. Makiki sing-along pa nga sya e. Tapos pag yung mga UG (underground) na kanta na yung tutugtog, paguusapan namen yung panahon ng mga desaparesidos. Martial Law. Student activism, etc.

May 10 taon ng nakakaraan yun. Bata pa ko noon, wala pa akong anak at di ko pa naaapreciate ang nilalaman nung mga kantang nariringgan ko noon. Pero ngayong lumipas ang maraming taon, may anak na rin ako, may mga pagkakataong nakakanta ko sakanya yung mga kantang noon ko lang naririnig.

Hindi ako naniniwalang “OPM is dead”. Kalokohan yun! Siguro nga, madaming Pinoy ang naii-sway ng ibang genres ng dayuhang kanta, pero hindi ibig sabihin nun na wala ng sumusuporta pa sa musikang Pinoy. Di naten mapipilit ang iba na ayawan ang ibang kanta, kung trip ba nila yun. Pero bilang panatiko ng musikang Pilipino, masakit isipin na may ibang nagiisip ng di kagandahan sa industriyang ito.

Gusto kong lumaki ang anak ko sa musika ng Eraserheads. Noel Cabangon. Up Dharma Down at ni Gloc 9, at ng iba pang lokal na mang-aawit. Wag sana tayo mawalan ng tiwala sa kung anong meron tayo.

Sana matutunan nating mabalik ang kagiliwan ng nakararami sa musikang Pilipino.

History repeats itself...

Tried and tested.

Drawing the line that should apart us. He now did it.
This is a familiar scenario. A tableau I was a part of years ago.

And I am in this picture again. With the surprised look on my face.
At first I refused to believe what I was seeing.

But it got into me. That ya, maybe this is what he wants to happen.
I am struggling in between madness and heartache.

I write letters you will never read.

JG,

Tapos na ang isang linggo. Ang isang buong linggong ininda ko ng wala ka. Ang lumipas ang bawat araw na walang narining mula sayo. 

Kahit di mo aminin, dama ko ang puwang sa namamagitan at namagitan sa ating dalawa ngayon. Palagay ko, higit na may pagbabago sayo kesa sa akin.

Heto na ang kinakatakot ko. Kinakalabog ako ng utak ko, ang puso ko tuliro, at ang diwa ko ligaw. Di mahanap ang dapat nitong kalagyan.

Iniwan mo ako. Kagaya ng inaasahan, nilisan mo din ako, at pilit mo akong lilimutin.

Akala ko, napaghandaan ko na. Alam mo kasi, nalipas na ng panahon ang mga ganitong pakiramdam e. Nakalimutan ko ng umiyak, ang kumirot ang puso, ang maging sawi.

Tapos na ko dito e. Pero bakit ganon, nauulit. Ako na naman ang iniwan. Ang tinakasan. Ang nilayuan.

Ang sakit! Ganito pala yun. Ulit. Ganito pala ulit mangwestyon. Ang pagdudahan ang sarili mo lalo na nag taong minamahal mo.

Babalik ako sa dating ako. Emotionless.

Binalik mo lahat ng sakit na natapon ko na. You never liked me, higit kailan man, hindi mo ako minahal. Hindi.

Sinira mo ko. You destroyed me. Binabalik mo ko sa dati. Putangina!

Journal entry: November 13, 2011. Sunday.

The not so good concept of keeping diaries-- you get back to concrete memories that will trigger sadness. This was the stage of being bitter to myself. Regretting. It has been a year. Indeed time flies so fast. 

And all good things must come to an end.

Surprisingly, yesterday was the last day of my part-time job that only lasted for three months. Two of the five students are about to go back to Korea to start their schooling, that's why some of us (teachers) are no longer in need to go to the Academy.

I was comforted hearing that news from my boss since I have been missing a lot of stuff with regards to my baby. And that I have been really clamoring, well a bit of about the rush hour and on how frustrating it is to commute with buses. Including my deprivation from sleep and my "me time", feels like what I can only do with my free time was to-- SLEEP. SLEEP. SLEEP. Did I say sleep? Yes, for months, I didn't go out with friends. Nor I can't finish a book or watch a movie.

But in between that wonderful news, I saw myself wearing that half-faced smile. I hid the emotion of being sad. That it's all over. That they will go back to Korea, and will continue studying. And that I will no longer have to go to work to teach them. To have fun, to help them out. 

I took all the opportunity to take pictures with them. To tell them that I will miss them and that I'm hoping they won't forget me. 

They were my first students to teach personally. I will never forget how first classes went on, the awkwardness and adjustments both of me and my student should undergo. And later on, the connection became more personal. Talking about families and interests. It was a privilege listening to them. The innocence they possess, and their culture that has been familiar for a couple of 2 yrs now.

And that's how it ends. In my very sensitive state, I felt like my children have grown so fast and that they have to spread their wings for better learning. 

I was never good at goodbyes. Maybe I will never be good at it. But as I write down this entry, I am smiling completely knowing that my students are still remembering me.

They made Facebook accounts! Another reason to thank technology :)

"Paglipas ng ulan ay mapapangiti ang araw".

NCR. Metro Manila. Marikina. Naungusan na naman naten ang matinding hagupit ng kalikasan. Sampu ng mga nasalantang lungsod. Sa pagsikat ng haring araw, sana dala nito sa bawat kababayan natin ang pag-asa, katatagan ng loob, at bayanihan para makaraos sa mga susunod na araw.

Sana natuto tayong muli na tigilan ang pagtatapon ng basura kung saan-saan. Pagsunod sa mga batas ukol sa kalikasan. Maging alerto. Maging produktibo sa kahit na anong pamamaraan.

Sa lahat ng mga sumuong sa baha para mag rescue at mamigay ng relief goods, abot abot ang paghanga at respeto na na-earn ninyo sa sambayanang Pilipino.

Walang maliit na tulong. Walang hindi kakayanin. Bayanihang Pilipino. Bangon Pilipinas!

Who will turn 5 on September 5?

Yes! My unica hija will be celebrating her 5th birthday exactly a month from now and it gives me too much jitters that my small baby that was born in 2007 will now be a kid! A full blown kid! Aaaaaah! I'm super excited! I have been planning of what gifts I should give her, although I still haven't come up with a concrete plan for her special day. Maybe having a vacation leave from work and just spending some quality time with the love of my life would be the most appropriate thing to do. Yet, there are some gifts I am eyeing to give her now that she's becoming a kiddie yow! :)

A bicycle! It should pink-- that's her favorite color! Everything should be in pink I guess :)

Oh!!! This will be a perfect one for her! 

Or this set of Hello Kitty table and chairs that can be used in her schooling!

Those are the only items I want to give her. That is if my budget would allow me too :p She is my only girl and I am working so hard just to provide what she needs and wants as well. I want her to be exposed with a lot of activities that she can participate in. I couldn't be anymore delighted for her birthday to come! Thank you Papa Jesus for this celebration! :)

The "wag-naman-po-sana-maholdup-ang-bus" escape!

My initial entry for the month of August would be an epic terrifying escape from the hold uppers along with my three co-workers.

By 2AM earlier, we went home by walking along Ortigas area passing through Megamall, and finally taking a bus which route is Baclaran-UE Letre. It was the color pink, ordinary bus, and only few people were inside. *Marie and I were sitting on the left side of the bus while *La and Chen were on the right side. All of us paid our respective fares and did the usual gossiping, listening to music routine. 

As soon as we reached Cubao area, there was this two men who got in. One wearing a green hat and a white and green jacket, who sat in front of where Marie and I were sitting, and then the other one is bald, wearing a typical green shirt, sat in front of my two other friends. Both were very tall and masculine. 

What made me feel restive about the situation was that the first man was holding a cigarette, acting as if he will lit it up. And the second man reached out for a lighter and gave it to him and the next thing they did was to transfer to the farthest part of the bus. That's the time wherein I asked all my friends to transfer to the seat near the driver.

We were pretty doing okay, yet my friend beside me still felt anxious, while keeping an eye on them. Still, with my usual thing, my headphones were stuck in my ears, but that didn't make me less of attentive since I was already anticipating the need of my handy cutter which I hid under my sleeves. And the other two (La and Chen) kept on chattering with each other. 

In a span of few minutes, Marie told me that the two men have split up and sat next to their prospected victims, one sat beside a guy wearing Beats headset, and the next sat behind my friends!!! Behind my friends!!! And that got the chill out of me. Marie told me that we should get off the bus!!! Urgently!!!

The traffic light was still on it's red signal, and it was pretty traffic as the bus was trying to pass along Aurora, Cubao. Without any further hesitation, we abruptly got off and checked whether the two guys or either of them followed us. I ran out of idea whether to look back to that bus, and see their faces. We kept on walking until we finally got to a secured place with MMDA being around.

Four of us were struggling with each of our own fears. Wanting to go home right away and to be out of danger. Discussing and even sharing perceptions of what had just happened. 

I was very fidget all those times. I couldn't pacify myself and I know I was stuttering as I tried to get off that pink bus. What I wanted is to escape and to disappear immediately.

And we rode a new bus, and as we approached Paramount to SM North area, we saw the pink bus with almost no passengers inside. 

Soon, we all got home safely, and yes, a hold up incident occurred in the pink bus. The hold uppers declared a hold up along GMA-Kamuning area. They even uttered a very frightening line pertaining to  the four of us, "Sayang at nakababa yung apat na babae". 

I don't have any valuable stuff with me, except for my phone which is just a Nokia qwerty one, few peso bill and coins and just my book. What stresses me is the fact that there's someone trying to harm us. That after 14 hours of working, since I have an extra job, such sickening people will make you feel agitated and will leave you with trauma. 

At that time, what was running on my mind was that I needed to go home, my baby needed to see me. She needs me. And at the same time, I wanted to completely die. Like I'll kill myself!!! That's how paranoid I was. 

Travelling through EDSA is indeed one hell of a freaking ride! Especially with hundreds of vehicles and faces that seems to get the jitters out of you, you or I will never be calm in going home.

Certainly, there's no place wherein you can be really safe. That time will not give you a guarantee of being secured. 

Let us all be more vigilante, now that people tend to be more evil than before. That harming is no longer an unusual issue. That in spite of too much agitation, being alert and keeping your presence of mind would do you good. Hopefully. 

Be safe!!!

*Note: False names.