Kids ask. As an adult, what could be your answer?

My 11-year-old brother asked this question in his Facebook account. And I reacted about it right away. I wonder why he have thought of this and how come he wants to know the answer. And probably he will just say, "Nothing, I just asked". 

I wouldn't be hypocrite to say that money won't make me happy, but I am certain that it won't make me feel alive far from what love can make me feel. Money-- I work 9hrs a day to come up with a compensation that lets me buy what I want and what I need. I can ran out of it, and it's either I'll be more thrifty, lend money, ask from my parents help or wait until the next pay day comes. Love-- a very complex and vague emotion. We have that love for our self, for family, for friends, for life and for death, for all sorts of art, for God, for whatever you see around you. For the past, present and the future. For what is existing and non-existing. For our significant other. One does not hold a specific meaning of it. Yet I believe that love is naturally selfless and limitless. (Lakas maka Ms. Universe ng line na ito)

Each of us have different interpretations of love. We use words, actions and other ways in which we let our emotions flow into others. For it to be felt, be heard, be understood, be shared. 

Maybe for my brother it’s just a very ordinary question, but with kids acting differently, I’m very glad that he still have this heart that is loving and carefree. He made me have further understanding of sensible things that often be neglected.

Guess us adults will always have something to re-learn from kids :) What about you, what will be your answer on this?

By the way, oh hello there, October! :)

No capacity to buy Capacities.

Kilala mo ba ang Up Dharma Down? Ayos! Kung hindi, malas mo. Chos! O sige, explain ko sayo. Sila yung isa sa mga astig na indie bands ngayon. Di lang sila astig, maangas, hanep, ibang klase at easy to dig yung music nila. Sila ang nagpasikat ng maka-friendzone tugtugan na Oo. Peyborit kong kanta nila ang Indak, Tadhana, Unspoken Definities atbp. Basta, dapat napakinggan o pakinggan mo sila! :)

May years na siguro ako na fan ng Up Dharma Down or UDD. At the same time, medyo naging recent yung pag-attend ko sa mga gigs nila. Oo, fan girl na fan girl ako. Soooooobraaaaaa! Hihi :)

So kung kanina, about inuman yung pinost ko, ito, "Just In" lang ang peg. Wanna know why? It's UDD's Capacities Pre-ordering night!!! And guess what, hindi ako makaka-avail nito!!! Huhu. Ang poorer than poor lang ng bulsa ko these days. And kahit meron pa sila tom, hindi ito kakayanin ng aking budget na almost nasa ICU na ang peg. 

Anyway, for those who are having the same sentiments as mine, maybe these photos will make you, or us feel more depressed. Huhu. Sama-sama tayong malumbay. Chos!

From Armi Millare's Instagram.

From Ean Mayor's Twitter. At nasa 19East sila. Huhu :(

So pano ba yan. 3rd album na nila to, I have the Bipolar. Hehe. A birthday gift from my oh-so loving friends! :) Bale sa November yung release nitong Capacities, at gaya sa pag-ibig, maging "Abangerz" na lang tayo (sabay tugtog ng Oo). Huhu.

P.S. 

1k yung price ng pre-order set na to yet hitik na hitik naman sya sa mga something. Haha. Basta, yung something. If you can make habol for tom's gig, they'll be in SaGuijo around 9PM siguro. Good luck senyo!

For additional infos: www.updharmadown.com 

Congrats UDD!!! :)) I love you Armi! Hihi

Oks na Oktoberfest!

Hey! Upon reading this blog, I want you to take down your memory lane of what happened to you on this day last year. 

Alright, while thinking of it, let me tell you why this day seems to be unforgettable. Bet you know "Oktoberfest" eh? Okay, good. But if not, let me tell you. Oktoberfest is a month long feast of beer!!! For those who are alcoholic or just simply couldn't resist not drinking beer or any alcoholic drink, you know you wouldn't miss this yearly event! Apaw apaw na alak in less than 20php. Ayos!!!

So last year same day, I attended my first ever Oktoberfest that was held in Asiana, Macapagal blahblah. Sorry, I dunno exactly where this place is, basta on the way to MOA. It was a Friday, I think. (And I just don't get it why they have to start the kickoff event on a Friday. Mas okay sana kung weekend) Going back, I went there after work, that makes us arrive in the venue at around pass 12mn. 

Didn't expect that hundreds of people would be there. Hitik yung pila pa-entrance. Luckily I have a friend who works in San Miguel, easy access somehow. Alright, we got in na! Edi, check check sa mga tents, random programs were going on. Sorry, I can no longer enumerate the ones I saw. Basta madami! Hehe. 

And as time went a little more late, we ended up watching the concert, and Oktoberfest wouldn't be complete without the Mocha Girls! Boom!!! Nakakatibo! :p

I don't recall drinking a lot since I will go home via riding a bus so dapat nasa wisyo pako. So it's really strange that I fainted! Yes, I did faint! Haha. I was on the line to the loo with my friend when I told her that I was feeling dizzy, and few seconds after-- I lost balance and ended up lying on the ground full of mud! Hahaha! 

Kadiri lang diba? My friend became hysterical, she was clueless of how to help me out! Bouncers approached us and tried to like carry me. Jusko! Hysterical. With matching ambulance scene pa yan since I was checked by the paramedics. Turned out I was suffering from over fatigue! Boo! Grabehan! Haha. 

All my friends got scared. They were thinking like I needed to go to a hospital, luckily I just needed to rest for a while. 

Kaya ngayon, may friends are teasing me that in a little while I will faint again. This has been one of the events that I will never forget. And as a reminder, don't go to such gigs after work without enough rest or with a broken heart. Ay! Oo, medyo broken hearted din pala ko when that happened. Alam na!

Currently, I am still thinking if I will go or not since I am still at work and I also have an early commitment for tomorrow. Nevertheless, ibang klase yung experience ko na yun. Masaya! :)

P.S.

Cheers for Oktoberfest! Kampay!

I have said mine. What's your story on this day? :) 

Unuttered Written Words.

Talk to me with words
that aren't false
Yet don't be extremely good
for that may sound so untrue.

Look at me with those lucid eyes
Where I can touch your inner side
Be naked with your thoughts
Surely those will be adored.

I want to listen
on how you breathe
For that brings out
my hidden fears.

Lay down and be quiet
Let's share this intimate moment
And if in silence we could make sense
Chances are that we're in trance.

Tsundoku Syndrome.

The Moth Diaries and What You Have Left were the books that I bought yesterday just right after a job interview. I felt the urge to buy these books since both tackles on how one thinks in a more abysmal manner, far from a normal person would think, I suppose. 

Same with the last three which I bought from MIBF-- The Good Psychologist, and After You. Except for the Instinctive Parenting, which is obviously about raising a child in a way that you have optimistic views upon your strengths. 

Lately, I have found benefits in reading. It makes me a lot more entertained just by flipping its pages. Realizing that in just a short period of time, I am in another world, being captivated by each of the scenes I make up in my mind. I enjoy learning new words. I always have the amazement of adopting vocabularies-- whether it rings a bell or simply something new to me. Reading seems to be a valid reason to be absent-minded. For people to avoid disturbing with some of their rants. Haha. Call it selfsh tactics.

As what I have in one of my previous post, I don't read all the time, but maybe most of the time. With reading, you're killing time in the most intellectual manner. Same as with your emotions. It lets you explore more of your feelings when it comes to the different characters, situations you are picturing. And most of the time, I end up crying as I reach for the final pages of a book. The three books that have made me howl my eyes so far would be Dekada 70, Desaparesidos both authored by Lualhati Bautista and The Outcast by Sadie Jones.

I am fond of books which talks about personality. On how one tries to find out his/her purpose in life. Of what life is really all about. Whether you are to continue wandering or to not to pursue for your search. Goes the same thing with books which genres are the typical love stories and parenting. More often, I look for books that are not authored by well-known authors. Somehow, I don't enjoy thinking the way others do. Hehe. If a book's in its heyday of everyone reading it, I don't plan of doing the same thing. Or, para maiba lang. Kanya-kanyang trip :p

So, basically, I am suffering a slight of "Tsundoku Syndrome". Which is buying books yet not reading them and you just end up piling them up on your shelves. Bisyo! Hehe. Surely I will be able to go on and finish all of these. But for now, I am working on Paulo Coelho's Aleph. A must read for everyone who can't seem to be euphoric. (I like how his words seem to be full of warm. And yes, he's one of the exceptions about well-known authors)

Grab a book and make your day more productive! :)

Two events on a Saturday!!! 09/16/12

Last September 16, despite of the bad weather, my brother and I still headed for the final day of MIBF-- Manila International Book Fair that was held in SMX, MOA. And I just want to post few of what happened!!! :) 

Welcome to 33rd MIBF!!!

Tadhana Books. Where I bought few stationaries. This got to be my favorite booth :)

National Bookstore! Have they found Wally? 

Haven for kids who love random cute and adorbale books!

I'm not a huge Harry Potter fan. But I know what's wrong with this. Do you? 

Book searching in Fully Booked.

A die-hard fan of Harry Potter. That's my brother!

Lakas!!! With Risa Hontiveros. Sa darating na halalan! Chos!

Not a huge fan of cosplayers, but hey! This is "Adventure Time" :)

An -OK event that should be my yearly agenda! 

And just before I call it a day, coming from South, I still insisted to watch "Ang Nawawala" in North Edsa. Now with my sister! Lagari kung lagari sa rampa :)

Yay!!! 

Last full show date with her :)

The swabe movie!!!

Love. Friendship. Family. And wandering about who you really are. Ibang klase yung movie. Hope you're lucky enough to watch this too!!!

And that was it for my last, last Saturday night. Sulit na sulit! Sarap ulit-ulitin :)

P.S. I have a sluggish syndrome to not to post urgently :p

Mama's using emoticons now!!!

This is purely random for today's entry. It was yesterday when Mama and I started exchanging a few texts-- I was fully amused on how likable Mama can text now. Hehe.

I was asking for extra money from her yesterday and this is how our convo went on:

Me: E yun nga Ma, baka pwede makahiram/makahingi ng 2k?

Ma: 1k?

Me: Uki :)

Ma: :)

Me: Wow! Umii-smiley. Thanks Ma. Super! :*

Ma: Love you kasi :)

Me: Ang cheesy! Kayo ba talaga yan? Hehe.

And she she phoned me just to say, "Gumagamit kayo ako ng smileys!" Haha. The way she said it was really funny. I wasn't able to resist laughing ;)

And then she texted me again.

Ma: Am I sounding weird today?

Me: Hmm. With your texts today, a little. Bagets ang peg. Hehe. Why?

Ma: Nah. Thought something like scary to you.

Me: Noooo! Grabe naman. Ang cute nga eh :) It's okay Ma. Do it often.

Ma: Okie :) (with the smiley again) -- yes, that's included in her text!

And this afternoon naman, I was making sumbong because I was late like almost 20 minutes for work.

Me: Grabe Ma! 02:02 nako dumating sa office kanina! Bale next salary, blah blah sguro deduction ko! Ayayay!!!

Ma: Bakit ka na late? Iwasan mo ma-late At sayang deductions.

Me: Sobrang traffic pagdating sa Mega. Then sa MRT, super dami tao. Kagulo! Oo nga po e, iba yung late ko today.

Ma: Kasi Sept 21 today. Commemorating Martial Law day declaration. May activity sa EDSA Shrin. Dun Pres PNoy kaya heavy traffic :)

Me: Ya, I know. But I didn't think that it would be that awful today. Another thing is, Ading was home; we had chika for a while :D try that smiley Mama. Haha.

Ma: I see. Be aware of dates of National activities next time eh?

Me: Haha. Mama, you're becoming Italian American now with your "eh". Cooooool! :) hehe. Love you Ma.

And just now she texted: Ui. 

I wonder what will be her next lines. Hehe. She's becoming cooler when it comes to texting. Gtg, I should talk to her :)

Maalalahanin.

Yung pagiging heartbroken. Ma-friendzone. Yung magpa-injection sa doktor. Yung madapa sa daan. Mahulog sa kanal kasi nakita si crush at kinilig. Masapak o masabunutan o mapisikal ng kahit sino. Yung ma-singko ang grades. Yung mawalan ng gamit o manakawan. Yung maiwan sa outing. Yung di makapunta sa gig ng paborito mong banda o di mapanood ang John Lloyd-Bea movie o Edward-Bella movie. Yung maraming yun pa. 

Lahat yan wala sa katiting kumpara sa sakit ng puso ng isang ina na nag-aalala sa anak. Maniwala ka. Isa akong ina. Alam ko ang pakiramdam. 

So anong pinaghuhugutan ko nito ngayon? Nagtext yung kapatid ko e. Syempre, habang tumatagal, nagiging mas makulit, magulo at pasaway and anak ko. Leveling! Nagaaway na naman daw sila nung yougner brother ko dahil sa lintik na LEGO na yan!!!

Tapos, nagpunta sa sulok yung anak ko. My sister heard her saying, "I'm stupid." 

That one-liner sentence bothered me. Well-loved ang anak ko syempre. Unica hija ko at solong apo ng pamilya namen. At kahit pa broken family kami ng Daddy nya, kahit kailan man, di ito naging o magiging kakulangan sa amount at quality of love na natatamo nya.

But despite of that, there are different facets that can influence her. Firstly, I am not a plain mother who stays at home. I work 2pm-11pm daily. And those 9 hrs that I am away from her makes me clueless of how she is for those hours that I am not around. Seems to be a lame excuse but legit for someone who is a working-single parent.

Secondly, TV entertains her a lot. Yan yung primary pang-aliw sa mga kids e. As I go to work, what's left for her to do is to watch Cartoon Network. She changes channel from CN to Nickelodeon to whatever channel she prefers. Being a 5yr old kid, she knows exactly what she wants to watch. Adventure Time, Ni Hao Kailan, Gumball, Dora the Explorer etc are among her all-time favorite programs. 

Feeling ko lang, may mga naa-adopt syang mga bagay bagay or lines from those TV programs that are inappropriate. Na true naman. I need to be more strict and maybe by changing my working schedule I can monitor her more.

Whether you are a child or not, I guess, it will never be fine to say those words. Uplifting kids moral is really substantial since this will be one of their foundations about life. They are never suppose to feel upset nor down upon things that aren't special. Or kahit ano pa man, I never want my child to feel awful about herself. Walang batang makararanas dapat ng ganun. 

Nakakasama ng loob. Naramdaman ko na na-crack yung puso ko. Ang OA no? Pero try mo maging isang ina. Ay hindi. Isang mapagmahal at maarugang ina, dun mo lang ako maiintindihan. 

Gusto kong mag-teleport. Gusto kong iugoy ang anak ko sa mga oras na ito. Kahit pa ang bigat-bigat nya na.

Not a change of heart but a change of mood.

Sinaltik ang Monday. Serry!

Do you have those days wherein at the first couple of hours you were doing fine? But as the sun goes down and darkness fills in, you suddenly have the change of mood. I am no anti-social. Going out is what I enjoy. Being surrounded with weird people. Doing the not so typical and typical things.

But this day is gotta be an exception. Abruptly, I just felt like not talking. Mala-Gibson Bonifacio lang. My tendency of being too talkative wasn't there. Even until now. Like there's nothing to say anyway. Ha! This is crazy! This is certainly weird!

I am recalling how my day went on and it was fine. The usual waking up and preparation for work. My baby woke up pretty late though and I wasn't late for today. And yes, I had some troubles at work. Petty issues. 

I just want to be on my own I guess. Like I am not required of talking to anyone about anything. Lost interest for what's going on and what will go on. Aaaaaah!!!

Very unusual. I cannot figure out why I'm acting like this for today. Serry. I hope tomorrow will not be the same. -_-

Manila International Book Fair 2012!!! Tara!!!

Manila International Book Fair 2012!!!

Alooooo!!! Earlier this morning, my brother surprisingly showed me these tickets asking if I can accompany him 

for the event. Yay!!! I am not a self-proclaimed bookworm, but I enjoy reading. Maybe not all the time but most of the time :)

It will be my first time to ever attend such fair!!! Excited ako!!! I will definitely be in awe upon seeing whatsoever that can be seen there. As of now I am still clueless of what to see there. Hehe. I want myself to be amused on the spot. Haha.

I might go to Sunday's event though since I already have an appointment to attend for tomorrow. 

P.S. These tickets are free!!! All you have to do is go to any Fully Booked stores in your favorite malls. Hihi. That's what my brother told me.

You still have two days left to go and explore the world of reading! A ticket is good for two, if I'm not mistaken. 10AM-8PM. SMX, MOA Complex, Pasay City.  Tara!!! 

Well then, see you on Sunday, you clever reader!!! :)

A good deed, anyone?

Yesterday same time, I received a call from Ian asking me to meet them up in a pizza parlor near the office. I hurriedly went down and saw 4 of my friends chatting inside. 

Saving 2 slices of pizza was really sweet of them to do. So we were like having small talks about whatsoever topics then, and I was with my regular complains on how scorching it is to stay inside the resto when a man with his like 4 yr old kid suddenly came in asking for alms. At first we were not minding them at all since it is a little bit frightening to entertain strangers anytime of the day.

The child he was with was eating ice cream, and I thought of handing him over the other slice of pizza instead of giving them money. What will they do with coins that we might give? Or to any bill that isn't enough to make them buy enough food to gobble. They might just end up buying vices like cigars or any drugs. Maybe.

And as they took the pizza, I told the man, "Tay, pagpasensyahan nyo na po ha." Then I told the kid, "Kainin mo yan ha, masarap yan. Pakabusog ka." As soon as they were on the door to go out, Tatay kept on nodding his head, giving a gesture of appreciation. And he was also asking his kid to wave his hand. 

Both of them kept on smiling. And I felt very delightful about it. 

I felt relieved after doing that act. Masarap sa pakiramdam na may natulungan ka. Kahit di ako nakapag bigay ng pera, kahit paano, something that will not make them hungry naman ang naabot ko. It was not too much for them to receive, pero helpful na yun. Sana. Kahit paano.

I'm always in a pitiful mood upon seeing these people around. If only I am powerful enough to help them out and provide them what they need. Pero hindi e. Di naman ako mayaman. Hirap din ako sa buhay. What I earn is only sufficient for my daily needs. 

I seldom think that what if I will also run out of help from the people I know. And that I'm only left with strangers, will someone also help me out? I don't know. But as I write down this entry, I want you to also help anyone with the most simple gesture that you can do for them. Food is the necessity that we can provide for them. As long as its clean of course. Wag naman yung tipong the food is already a messy one. Hindi naman kelangan monetary value ang maibigay e. I guess, the fact na tumutulong ka sakanila, mabubuhayan sila ng loob at hindi sila mambabastos.

Other than Tatay, I have also met few strangers around the office's vicinity. In Jolibee Tycoon, there's this jolly girl who is always in a good mood asking for even a peso coin. Happily, she even tries to ask for your food or drinks. 

Across UA&P, there you can see Starbucks wherein a bald girl roams around carrying sort-off a plastic bag. My first encounter with her was when my friends and I were staying up late after work. She approached us and suddenly making kwento about her or one of her family members having diabetes. So she's asking for money for the dialysis thing. As the most affected one, I gave her a hundred bill. After a couple of months, after shift, we headed to Strata area, in Lasapin to be exact just to eat out. Same friends in this scene. Now here comes the second scenario abut this bald girl. She first went to the table beside us and the customers who were seated handed her money. And since we are already familiar about her, we were really ignoring her as she reached our table. She was selling some sampaguita flowers at that time, and guess what she said, "Mga putangina nyo! Ang dadamot nyo!". That was terrifying! Umalis lang sya as if nothing happened.

Last would be this American guy who I think is in his 40's or something. We were killing time in Ministop Tycoon when he came to us sweating and seemingly to be in a rush. With his complete bag full of soccer things. He was wearing a soccer uniform. Narrating us his story that he is heading to a soccer game for Smart chuva-chuva. Couldn't recall exactly kung anong game basta soccer game. We told him to go to the nearest police station for him to report what had happened to him. But he insisted that he needs money lang para makapunta sa venue. But since some of my friends knew him before, nag refuse kame with what he was trying to say. Looks like it's his way of living here in the Philippines. Playing a trick on people.

It will never be easy to extend help to this people. Scary and somehow you can't just spoon-feed them with what you can give all the time. But for those who are extremely helpless and harmless, why not comfort them with a warm way of chatting and/or smiling at them to make them feel at ease in the world which appears to be cruel to them.

In a daily basis, let us try to be a good samaritan to anyone who is helpless.

Munching on a Monday!!! 09/10/12

The last time I saw this guy was when we had a very catchy celebration of my birthday last January. And as I hugged him right away, it reminded me of how warm it was meeting him for the first time.

Yes, baby!!! After 7 months of long and winding road, the man is back-- Aljay!!! Yea!!! Reunited na sila ng kanyang babe!!! And he has been here for a couple of days now, so before he and Lala heads off to Cebu, they immediately took time to see us!!! Sweet :)

After work, we walked for few minutes to gobble in Shakey's!!! Good thing it's open 24 hours. Very 

convenient for our time of work.

I have been really craving for mojos seriously and my appetite was solved for that night!!! Had such a satisifed tummy!!!

These were what we had: P.S. Sorry if it seems too mouthwatering :)

Le Shakey's Spaghetti

I'm not a pasta lover, but I just needed to eat this one. Er, didn't like it much though. Consumed a little of it only. Hihi. Inaabangan ko talaga e yung mojos e. Haha

The ultimate chicken and mojos combo!!!

Been suffering from my hunger of this all-time favorite Shakey's staple food!!! Aaaaah!!! It tasted really appetizing. Alternate with the chicken that was really tasteful. Yum yum!!!

Gingerbread Fred!!! Lol.

A self-confessed lover of gingerbread!!! Even KFC's "Cheese-on-top" has gotten me head over heels.

But of course, Shakey's own gingerbread is far better than what KFC has to offer. The bread's softness lets you swallow it as a whole! Hoho. Despite the fact that it's a bit oily, I will still definitely have this on my plate!

Pepperoni Thin Crust Pizza

The thin crust makes it more alluring to eat. With its cheese being more appetizing!!! I liked how I 

entwined into pieces and deeped it into the gravy!!! Oh!!! Carbs on carbs on carbs!!! I'm missing it now. Ginawa ko syang sandwich! Haha.

I couldn't be anymore pleased as on how I ended my Monday. Good food plus good company of friends.

No fattening ideas of carbs and cholesterol can make me feel upset afterwards. Hihi. Being someone

who enjoys not just eating but devouring with my favorite dishes, keber sa poise!!!

My bebe Lala and bebe Jay!!! They make a really cute couple! Hihi. Love you both :)

Bebes invading El Pueblo!!!

Welcome back bebe Jay!!! We missed you and thanks for this really scrumptious treat!!! :)

Getting over smoking.

They say you don't know yourself. That no one  knows you at all. But there are certain things that makes you happy. Makes you retreat from sadness and be your diversion for a moment. 

When I got pregnant five yrs ago, what was left for me to do was to stay at home. Not to continue college. Can't see my friends due to their school schedules and couldn't even go out as much as what I was doing then. I was introvert for two years. Losing self-confidence and curiosity over what the world has to offer. 

Not until I started working and studying at the same time, year 2009. It was a year later, in mid-November when I started with my vice-- smoking. One of the sickening ones a person will have. Yet admit or not, it is enjoyable. It gets you hooked!

From Marlboro Lights, to Menthol, to Black Bat. I have tried and enjoyed those. In a world wherein people can be stressed right away, they look for immediate ways to release the consuming feeling they have-- that would be smoking.

Purchasing is very accessible. Especially in the Philippines wherein a stick of it only costs 3php. Around the school's vicinity, or any buildings, you will definitely achieve the highness that it brings you. 

After school hours, just before I ride a bus, I finish a stick to help me to relax and sleep as I am on my way to work. And when I get to work, I smoke, starting from 2 sticks a day to even finishing half pack of it. Most of my colleagues are smokers. Understandable how contagious it is for everyone to start smoking. But no, it was my decision.  I let my self fall into its spell and to smoke in a daily basis. It worsen during 2011. From half-pack, I took so much pleasure in buying a whole pack of it, Marlboro Black-- which has become a favorite of mine. 

When I'm feeling sick and tired from my personal issues, work dilemmas and other random stuff, I smoke. The maximum of it would be 3 sticks at a time until I make myself feel more calmed. At some point I made myself believe that it gives me serenity. Whether it is break time from work, or in a coffee shop, or chit-chatting with friends, or having a celebration, or attending gigs, or just plain nothing, I smoke. Automatically, you will see me with a lighter, a pack of cigar and candies. 

But you know, everything that is too much will ain't do you good. For several times, I have tried to stop smoking. Just like anything else, I grew tired from puffing all day long, burning my lungs, and the scorching heat of it that touches my lips. I got sick from it too. Getting a lot of check-ups, being absent from work just to rest and being guilty of neglecting my health. I came to realize more that it's damaging me. 

I wouldn't justify the logic of it. But I guess, I was suppressed with my frustrations. That way back, I didn't have any ways in which I can be rebellious as I want to because I have a child. 

There comes a period that you just want to fill destroyed, broken and that you cannot be fixed anymore. And from there, after getting drained, you try to carry on yourself again. To regain and to restart. Sana lang, lahat ng nalulugmok, subukang tumayong muli at wag mawalan ng pag-asa. Hindi lang pagyo-yosi and solusyon dyan!

Self-motivation. Amid of advertisements, your loved-ones and family and friends telling you of its bad effects not just on your health, but to others too, you will never stop smoking. You won't let yourself to be convinced. Magkasakit ka na't lahat, sige parin. We have the irresponsible excuse of saying, "I can't because I have been smoking for 5, 10, 20 yrs. Blah blah blah!!!", "Stress kasi ako. Blah blah blah!!!", "Di ako makalma", "Kelangan ko to para makatulog", "Bagong kain ako, pampatanggal umay". But in reality, we just don't want to. 

The longest time that I didn't smoke was for 29 days. That was maybe a month or two ago. But unlike my heyday of puffing, it's no longer a daily routine for me. And that makes me really glad and relieve somehow.

I will not wait for New Year just for my resolution to start. I wouldn't allow myself to spend its 2nd anniversary in smoking. It will never be easy, but you have to encourage yourself, and be determined in doing so. This is my gift for my baby. For her to have a healthier Mommy :)

If you have plans to stop smoking, do it now. No one will help you but yourself :)

RH Bill. What's your stand on this?

Nowadays, this has outgrown to be a serious topic in the Philippines. Not that it hasn't been a serious one before, it's just that mas na-hype sya ngayon. Maybe due to social media that inflicts people way of thinking. Yung propaganda mas naging accessible. Whether you are PRO or ANTI.

Personally, years ago, I was like, "nako, wag kang magpi-pills kasi masama yan!" Those were my usual words to a friend who's sexually active. I myself never tried taking such pills. First, I was unaware of the existence of those pills. Yes, the only thing I know way back was the "withdrawal" thing and the usage of "condom". And that I always hear na "cancerous" daw ang mga pills para sa mga babae. That was before. When I was very naive and I what was left of me was my innocence. That I know should have never been a valid justification. 

People might think ironically about it because I have child. They expect you to be well-informed about it, but sadly, I was never. 

So now that it's the heyday for this issue. I have read random articles, heard various insights and I am personally agreeing with this bill to be passed on. 

Bilang isang ina. Okay, bilang isang batang ina sa edad na 23, I feel like there should be enough ways in which youth should be informed on what pre-marital sex beholds. Other than the pleasure which is hindi natin dapat ipagkaila, we, us matured adults should let them know of the consequences of each of their actions. Yung long term na magiging effects nito. At maski naman sa isang mag-asawa. Hindi nga ba't meron tayong tinatawag na "marital rape"? Let us accept the fact that this is happening. It has been going on.

Sabi nga, "Walang maling tanong. Meron lang e baluktot at sinungaling na sagot."

I guess may katotohanan na nakapaloob dito. "Sex" is a taboo topic in the Philippines. We're used to being bragged as very conservative. Ang ating mga "Maria Clara", ang ating pagkamahinhin, ang ating pagka-di makabasag pinggan. 

Natatangi nga naman ang ganitong kaugalian ng Pililipino. Pero sa kabila nito, kadalasan ng mga magulang, nababalot sa takot na sa paglaki ng mga anak nila e, magkamali sila. We avoid discussing adult issues at home. Siguro, may ilang na nararamdaman ang mga magulang. It seems to be inappropriate telling your child about this sensitive one. Syempre nga naman, "paano ko ba ie-explain sa anak ko ang sex sa paraang hindi ito masagwa at malaswa?"

"Curiosity eats the cat." One thing parents are neglecting. Children now have the capacity to think on their own. In the age of the new technology, wala ng di malalaman ang kahit na sino. And later on, it's just so alarming as the rates of abortion, teen pregnancy, mothers dying due to giving birth, etc have been increasing rapidly for the last few years.

We end up blaming ourselves. The way we have raised our children. The society. The media. The government. Even the absurd "nasa lahi kasi natin yan" excuse.

Pero di nga kaya, panahon na para mas lumawak ang ating pag-iisip? Hindi kaya't kailangan na natin munang isantabi ang mga nakasanayan na at subukan-- na baka sakaling sa paraan ng pagpasa sa RH Bill e malutas ang mga kalugmok-lugmok na sitwasyong ito?

Bilang isang babae. Alam kong sa ikabubuti ko ang RH Bill na ito. Hindi ko man alam ang talagang kabuuan ng batas na ito, sa pakiwari ko, karapatan kong alagaan ko aking sarili. Sa kung kailan ko gusto mabuntis. Ilan ang gusto kong maging anak. At sa kung anong contraceptive ako magiging komportable. Para hindi maabala ang aking araw-araw na pamumuhay. 

Lahat may pros and cons. Pero babae, matuto kang bigyang halaga ang iyong sarili. Hindi lamang ang iyong kabiyak o kasintahan ang siyang may karapatan na diktahan ka. Maski ang gobyerno o ang simbahan, hindi mo dapat bigyan ng permisong i-manipulate ka. Hindi kabawasan ng pananalig sa Diyos at paniniwala sa simbahang Katoliko ang pagiging PRO RH Bill. Gaya ng di ka magiging santo o higit na mabuting tao kung ikaw naman ay ANTI RH Bill.

Kung hindi ka naaapektuhan, o maaapektuhan ng issue na ito, maari lamang na bigyan mo kaming mga kababaihan ng kalayaan. Kalayaan na mag-isip at mag-desisyon ukol sa aming katawan. Sa pamamagitan ng batas na susubok na kami'y alagaan, at protektahan.

These are fully my own opinions. Thank you for reading.

Mind to read a more well-structured view of what RH Bill is all about. Kindly visit Senator Pia Cayetano's site: http://www.mydailyrace.com/

Para ito sayo, anak...

Hi anak!

Ber month na!!! Dati rati, wala sa aking kung dumating ang mga buwan na ito. Orinaryo lang. Excited lang ako kasi magpa-Pasko na. Pero nung dumating ka sa buhay ko, kaakibat ng excitement ko sa Pasko ang ka-excitement na nararamdaman ko kasi tatanda ka na naman. 

At sa taong ito, limang taong gulang ka na sa loob lang ng apat na araw. Tandang tanda ko yung araw na ipinanganak kita.

September 5, 2007. It was a very usual day. Kelangan lang ni Mommy magpa regular check up, pero ayaw na ako paalisin ng doktor non. Takot na takot si Mama noon kasi di pa naman kami handa. We weren't expecting you that early. 

Dinala si Mommy sa Delivery Room at around 2PM. Si Mama maraming binibilin that time. Kesyo wag akong matutulog at dapat alert lang ako. I wasn't even looking at her. Pinilit kong itago ang takot at kaba na nararamdaman ko. Pakiramdam ko that time, di ko na makikita pa si Mama.

And then I was on my own. No more Mama beside me. I was 18 then. At that age, normally nasa gimikan lang lahat ng ka-edad ko, or dapat e nagsisipag-aral. Pero hindi ang Mommy. I was in a room struggling against the fear that is within me. 

Pagpasok ni Mommy sa room, mataas pa ang sikat ng araw. The first 3 hours went very fine. Nakakapag-CR pa ang Mommy, nakakatulog pa nga ako e. But when 6 o'clock striked, dun ako mas hindi napakali. Habang patagal ng patagal, nararamdaman ko na yung sinasabing "pag-hilab" ng tiyan. Which I never thought would be really painful. Indeed giving birth is excruciating. I couldn't explain how much I wanted for it to be over. 

Nabalot ako ng takot na baka hindi ko na masilayan ang bukas. Parang ang haba-haba ng gabi nung araw na yon. Puro mga doktor lang ang nakikita ko. Wala akong ibang mapag-hugutan ng lakas ng loob.

10:25PM. Manila Doctor's Hospital. Finally!!! I was the last to deliver my baby!!! At ang statement ng doktor, "Ikaw ang pinaka-makulit!!!" Haha. I remember complaining about everything. All throughout, I was awake. Hindi talaga ko natulog, from the time na dinala nako sa kabilang room para umire-ire. Hihi.

When I saw you, I can still recall how magical that moment was. Ang kinang-kinang! Feeling ko nababalot ka ng isang magandang magic spell! Yung feeling na binaba ka ng langit, ganun anak, ganun ang sumagi sa isip ko. Na bigay ka ni Lord sa akin :)

It has been 5 long years, at hindi ko lubos maisip na nalagpasan naten yon. At patuloy nating nilalagpasan ang araw-araw. Anak, gusto kong malaman mo na kung uulitin ko man ang buhay ko, nanaiisin kong danasin ulit lahat ng sakit at paghi-hirap para lang sayo. 

Walang katumbas na saya ang sa araw-araw gigising akong nakikita ka. At uuwi ako mula sa trabaho na ikaw ang mamamasdan. Binigyan mo ng higit na kahulugan ang buhay ni Mommy. 

Gusto ko ring sabihin na sana patawarin mo ako. Sa kabila ng mga bagay na naibibigay ko sa iyo, e may mga short comings din naman ako. Pero kahit kailan, wag mo sanang iisiping, mababawasan ang tindi ng pagmamahal at pag-aalala ko sa iyo. Kahit mag-isa lang si Mommy, hindi ibig sabihin na di na kita kayang buhayin o kumpletuhin man.

Salamat anak, at binuo mo ang esensya ng pagka-babae ko. Asahan mong sa abot ng aking makakaya, hindi man maging perpekto ang lahat ng desisyon ko, lahat ng iyon ay para sa ikabubuti mo. 

Mahal na mahal kita anak.