Game over, December.

"Life is full of uncertainties, you'll never know when to be certain."

This year blew me away with all its drastic changes. Which they say is the only constant thing in this world. But as what my sister say, it's not just change that is constant, it's also the "memories". So with the final entry that I will be writing down tonight, let me walk you through as to how 2012 has been to me.

1. I have this odd-age fetish. So when I turned 23 last January, I made sure that I will be having a fun night filled with beers and friends. And true to that, my last birthday went crazy! But since this coming year, it's my 24th  birthday, I will not be having those normal celebration. What I have in mind is to do a charity work, and hopefully, time and my budget will allow me to.

2. Up Dharma Down has been my favorite OPM band and I am such a fan girl that even after work, I still watch their gigs. Even if it takes me to travel from North to South! I've not been able to see them perform due to my work schedule, but this 2013, babawi ako.

3. By February, I once again felt how it's like to broken-hearted. To someone who was a good friend. WAS. It's a shame how you use past tense describing as on how you were with someone. You have to go on and pretend that nothing happened. That you never met. That he never came along. My love month tormented me. Chos!

4. My smoking habit worsen and I enjoyed how puffing makes me feel dizzy. With each cigarette sticks, I found comfort. I made myself believe on that. But with self-motivation, somehow I was able to get rid of it. Little by little. Still in the process.

5. It was the month of June that I had to work 14 hours a day. A part-time job that lasted for 3 months with the 9AM-1PM schedule and my full-time job with the 2PM-11PM . It was challenging. Indeed. And it made me work my ass continuously! There I met Korean kids whom I treated as my own child since they were just on their own here in Manila and they became really close to me. Guess they have forgotten about me now. Dramarama! And even if Habagat hit the city non-stop, I still did go to work the following day. And to my surprise, I was the only employee who went to work! Talk about being "workaholic" :p

6. It was also in the second quarter that I was able to start my blog. Which has been my plan for months and that at last was able to do. Currently I have 59 blog entries and I couldn't be anymore happy that I was able to do this now. Sharing thoughts as to what issue I want to talk about has been very relieving and knowing that there are some who are "supporting" me makes my heart super happy! However, I feel sorry that I couldn't write as often as I want to. But still, this blog will be kept updated no matter what.

7. It's also in this year that after almost 3 years of working, I was able to buy gadgets. Hehe. I'm not really techie nor someone totally interested in new stuff but I did really feel great that I was able to buy my laptop, Canon camera and my qwerty Nokia phone. Haha. While everyone's going gaga over the touch-touch thingy, what I prefer is still the basics. It makes me smile knowing I bought things because I worked hard for it :)

8. I have always believed that Papa Jesus knows how strong I am and that still He molds me to be a stronger one. It is after 5 years that I talked to him once again. Talk to him in a sense of asking him as on what He is planning for me. Of how he sees me as His child. I admit I don't believe in the Bible, but that doesn't make me less of a believer. That doesn't make me a sinner. My faith in Him has grew stronger. With Him, I find peace and certainty. I hope you do too.

9. As I grow older, misunderstanding between my mother happens differently. Yes, most of the time because of reasons that are petty. But some that are serious enough that drives her mad. But I have learned how to pacify her. And I guess it's just normal that things like that happen. Other than being her child, I myself is also a mother so I try as much as I could to grasp more of what she say. Which is not really easy since I am stubborn. Hoho. 

10. My unica hija turned 5 years old by the beginning of ber-month and the best way to let loose is to go on leave which I yearly do and to have a feast with the family. Now I have a little dalaga who knows how to answer back in a very clever manner. Ako na ang nauubusan ng Ingles! Yes! Haha. P.S. I can now tie her hair. I have waited for this in years. Haha

11. I retreat to reading and having a diary after ages. And although I can't finish writing in my journal because mostly it's not allowed at work, with the use of my phone, still I was able to make drafts of what I feel, what I think and what goes on in my eccentric mind. I have been buying notebooks wherein the first few pages were only used. Ha! And now I'm keeping all those locked up. Chos! Thrift bookstore serves as my haven whenever I go to malls since I always buy books that really interests me. This year, I was able to finish 5 books I think. Boo! Now I'm currently finishing the sixth. As what the writings in Fullybooked, The Block say, "Life happened because I turned the pages."

12. It was October that suddenly, our Korean company finally decided to stop its operation and to let go of its employees. For almost 3 years, my colleagues became my friends and the normal "Hi, hello" turned into long hour of chitchats that I have been missing. That company became my home. And it has been easy to get along to all the people I have worked with. Even with the Management. Although the presence of collision is there, still the years I have worked there will always be precious to me.

13. The following surprised me by a phone call from a BPO company and luckily, I became part of Wave 51 for a Telecom company. It's a new environment. A whole new world filled with uncertainties to people that I will be working with, and even to the field itself. Shifting schedule bewildered me. I was caught in the middle and now there's no turning back. This is what I have been planning for. Now I'm here, there's no way out anymore.

14. And for the final month of the year, our family will be celebrating New Year differently. I finally gave in to Mama's request of going to Cavite and spending the next 3 days there. What I just hope for is that my mood swings won't be attacking by then. After that, I will be starting my countdown to my 24th birthday. Yay!

Under all the circumstances that 2012 put me through, still I am completely thankful as on how it started, how it went on, and on how it will end. It was not a perfect year, it was not totally the best year, but it was a year that made me stand on my own two feet toughly. It challenged me as on how I will take life to the extreme limit. And that's what makes this year eminent.

Quota ako ng tawa at iyak sa taong ito and yet, wala akong kasawa-sawang madama ang dalawa sa pinakamati-tinding emosyon. Surely, happines and saidness goes hand in hand. 

I lost people. Gained new ones. Lost a job. Found a better one. It's your faith in yourself that you must not lose. Ever. And the love in your heart that makes you smile day after day even if the world gives up on you.

Stranger, always have a strong heart. Until next year! :)

RH Bill. What's your stand on this?

Nowadays, this has outgrown to be a serious topic in the Philippines. Not that it hasn't been a serious one before, it's just that mas na-hype sya ngayon. Maybe due to social media that inflicts people way of thinking. Yung propaganda mas naging accessible. Whether you are PRO or ANTI.

Personally, years ago, I was like, "nako, wag kang magpi-pills kasi masama yan!" Those were my usual words to a friend who's sexually active. I myself never tried taking such pills. First, I was unaware of the existence of those pills. Yes, the only thing I know way back was the "withdrawal" thing and the usage of "condom". And that I always hear na "cancerous" daw ang mga pills para sa mga babae. That was before. When I was very naive and I what was left of me was my innocence. That I know should have never been a valid justification. 

People might think ironically about it because I have child. They expect you to be well-informed about it, but sadly, I was never. 

So now that it's the heyday for this issue. I have read random articles, heard various insights and I am personally agreeing with this bill to be passed on. 

Bilang isang ina. Okay, bilang isang batang ina sa edad na 23, I feel like there should be enough ways in which youth should be informed on what pre-marital sex beholds. Other than the pleasure which is hindi natin dapat ipagkaila, we, us matured adults should let them know of the consequences of each of their actions. Yung long term na magiging effects nito. At maski naman sa isang mag-asawa. Hindi nga ba't meron tayong tinatawag na "marital rape"? Let us accept the fact that this is happening. It has been going on.

Sabi nga, "Walang maling tanong. Meron lang e baluktot at sinungaling na sagot."

I guess may katotohanan na nakapaloob dito. "Sex" is a taboo topic in the Philippines. We're used to being bragged as very conservative. Ang ating mga "Maria Clara", ang ating pagkamahinhin, ang ating pagka-di makabasag pinggan. 

Natatangi nga naman ang ganitong kaugalian ng Pililipino. Pero sa kabila nito, kadalasan ng mga magulang, nababalot sa takot na sa paglaki ng mga anak nila e, magkamali sila. We avoid discussing adult issues at home. Siguro, may ilang na nararamdaman ang mga magulang. It seems to be inappropriate telling your child about this sensitive one. Syempre nga naman, "paano ko ba ie-explain sa anak ko ang sex sa paraang hindi ito masagwa at malaswa?"

"Curiosity eats the cat." One thing parents are neglecting. Children now have the capacity to think on their own. In the age of the new technology, wala ng di malalaman ang kahit na sino. And later on, it's just so alarming as the rates of abortion, teen pregnancy, mothers dying due to giving birth, etc have been increasing rapidly for the last few years.

We end up blaming ourselves. The way we have raised our children. The society. The media. The government. Even the absurd "nasa lahi kasi natin yan" excuse.

Pero di nga kaya, panahon na para mas lumawak ang ating pag-iisip? Hindi kaya't kailangan na natin munang isantabi ang mga nakasanayan na at subukan-- na baka sakaling sa paraan ng pagpasa sa RH Bill e malutas ang mga kalugmok-lugmok na sitwasyong ito?

Bilang isang babae. Alam kong sa ikabubuti ko ang RH Bill na ito. Hindi ko man alam ang talagang kabuuan ng batas na ito, sa pakiwari ko, karapatan kong alagaan ko aking sarili. Sa kung kailan ko gusto mabuntis. Ilan ang gusto kong maging anak. At sa kung anong contraceptive ako magiging komportable. Para hindi maabala ang aking araw-araw na pamumuhay. 

Lahat may pros and cons. Pero babae, matuto kang bigyang halaga ang iyong sarili. Hindi lamang ang iyong kabiyak o kasintahan ang siyang may karapatan na diktahan ka. Maski ang gobyerno o ang simbahan, hindi mo dapat bigyan ng permisong i-manipulate ka. Hindi kabawasan ng pananalig sa Diyos at paniniwala sa simbahang Katoliko ang pagiging PRO RH Bill. Gaya ng di ka magiging santo o higit na mabuting tao kung ikaw naman ay ANTI RH Bill.

Kung hindi ka naaapektuhan, o maaapektuhan ng issue na ito, maari lamang na bigyan mo kaming mga kababaihan ng kalayaan. Kalayaan na mag-isip at mag-desisyon ukol sa aming katawan. Sa pamamagitan ng batas na susubok na kami'y alagaan, at protektahan.

These are fully my own opinions. Thank you for reading.

Mind to read a more well-structured view of what RH Bill is all about. Kindly visit Senator Pia Cayetano's site: http://www.mydailyrace.com/

Bang! Brutality!

Today, July 31st, I heard another bothering news upon the death of a Law student from San Beda due to hazing. 

Such incidents are no longer shocking (for me) since this has been just an addition to the list of not just students per se but also innocent youth who are wanting to be part of not just a fraternity/ a sorority but as part of any group that seems to be appealing to them. 

I recall the incident as my father was asking me to join a sort off fraternity in our university. He asked me to be part of it not because of the violence but of what are the perks I am going to have from being a member. The said fraternity is one that is politically active, engaging in governmental talks rather than those getting caught up in rumbles or violence between other fraternities.

What is frightening about this issue nowadays, is the loosening grip of the school/group officials when it comes to having an assessment about organizations circulating in universities. They have brutal ceremonies or initiations to know the toughness of the neophytes. It is extremely saddening that you have to hurt people just to know their loyalty and strength when it comes to their devotion for the organization they are eyeing to be part of. 

As a parent, I could never take the pain of losing a child. May favorite akong MMK-- Maalaala Mo Kaya episode, yung kay Vilma Santos tapos sila Rodjun and Rayver Cruz ang mga anak nya, na parehong namatay. Sabi ni Vilma: "Kapag namatayan ng asawa, ang tawag balo. Kapag namatayan ng magulang, ang tawag, ulila. Pero pag namatayan ka ng anak, walang maitatawag sa iyo kasi walang kapantay ang sakit ng mawalan ng anak." 

Na instill sa akin ang episode na iyon. At ngayong isa na akong nanay, higit kong naintindihan at naramdaman ang halaga ng anak. Yung mawasak ang pangarap. Mapalitan ng luha at hinagpis. Ang mabuhay sa galit ng dahil sa apaw apaw na sakit. Walang kahit sino man ang may karapatang manakit ng kapwa. 

Sa pakiwari ko, wavelength na ngayon yang mga nasasangkot sa hazing sa mga nasasangkot sa massacre, homicide, at iba pang brutality sa mundo.

Sana higit na kamal na bakay ang ma implement ng mga school officials at ng mga nai-involve sa issue na ito na mga matataas na tao.

Pakikiramay sa pamilya. Ikaw na nag hangad ng pakikisama ay kabilang na ngayon sa isang organisasyong mas mapayapa sa itaas.