"The breezy morning of November greeted me as I was about to go home. It seemed to be a long night. Surrounded with strangers I have met that same night, along with liquors, cigarettes, laughter and distress, I tried to escape from life for a little while.
Have you ever felt like it was all coming back again? That after long years of not minding anything about the matters of the heart, here you go again, gambling between what you will lose and gain, between heartache and euphoria, between paranoia and reality.
I tried to say goodbye that same day. He was reluctant. I know I had too much alcohol then, that it was uncontrollable to realize how foolish my words were and how stupidly I acted. The low point of how I was and on how I have struggled about it.
For the next two weeks, I know for sure that I have lost myself against the battle of extreme misery. Day by day, I had those puffy eyes due to non-stop crying. Undoubtedly, it was hurting me. With the sporadic state that I am in, my uncertainty remained certain.
Silently, air embraced me tightly. Sunlight brightened immensely upon my flesh to be felt. Retreating to the spell being cast by gallons of liquor and with each lit of cigars that I was doing, I was hoping to be saved. A lot of random things witnessed calmly the downfall of it. My journal accompanied me all through out. With my mind that cannot be oppressed, I continuously drowned myself upon the agony of detaching myself from him. I was selfish to not to tell anyone of how it feels like dying. Surely, just like anything else, loving and losing someone is a cycle."
That's how I was a year ago. Exactly after that incident, my life has changed. Whether it made me better or not, I'm clueless on that.
He's my musical soul mate. My Raimund Marasigan who is learning how to play Up Dharma Down's Oo. Up to this day, it saddens me that I have lost my sort off Nick from Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist.
As what our favorite song says, "Tayong dalawa lamang ang nakakaalam". Fully, I tried to follow every step he made within the rhythm that is intertwining us. Patiently, I listened to every words he has to say that would keep up with the melody, but it wasn't enough. Perhaps, it was really the end of the 8-month theme song.
"You know nothing" was his last words. How ironic when we say initially, we know each other very well.
Have you ever felt like it was all coming back again? That after long years of not minding anything about the matters of the heart, here you go again, gambling between what you will lose and gain, between heartache and euphoria, between paranoia and reality.
I tried to say goodbye that same day. He was reluctant. I know I had too much alcohol then, that it was uncontrollable to realize how foolish my words were and how stupidly I acted. The low point of how I was and on how I have struggled about it.
For the next two weeks, I know for sure that I have lost myself against the battle of extreme misery. Day by day, I had those puffy eyes due to non-stop crying. Undoubtedly, it was hurting me. With the sporadic state that I am in, my uncertainty remained certain.
Silently, air embraced me tightly. Sunlight brightened immensely upon my flesh to be felt. Retreating to the spell being cast by gallons of liquor and with each lit of cigars that I was doing, I was hoping to be saved. A lot of random things witnessed calmly the downfall of it. My journal accompanied me all through out. With my mind that cannot be oppressed, I continuously drowned myself upon the agony of detaching myself from him. I was selfish to not to tell anyone of how it feels like dying. Surely, just like anything else, loving and losing someone is a cycle."
That's how I was a year ago. Exactly after that incident, my life has changed. Whether it made me better or not, I'm clueless on that.
He's my musical soul mate. My Raimund Marasigan who is learning how to play Up Dharma Down's Oo. Up to this day, it saddens me that I have lost my sort off Nick from Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist.
As what our favorite song says, "Tayong dalawa lamang ang nakakaalam". Fully, I tried to follow every step he made within the rhythm that is intertwining us. Patiently, I listened to every words he has to say that would keep up with the melody, but it wasn't enough. Perhaps, it was really the end of the 8-month theme song.
"You know nothing" was his last words. How ironic when we say initially, we know each other very well.
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