Maalalahanin.

Yung pagiging heartbroken. Ma-friendzone. Yung magpa-injection sa doktor. Yung madapa sa daan. Mahulog sa kanal kasi nakita si crush at kinilig. Masapak o masabunutan o mapisikal ng kahit sino. Yung ma-singko ang grades. Yung mawalan ng gamit o manakawan. Yung maiwan sa outing. Yung di makapunta sa gig ng paborito mong banda o di mapanood ang John Lloyd-Bea movie o Edward-Bella movie. Yung maraming yun pa. 

Lahat yan wala sa katiting kumpara sa sakit ng puso ng isang ina na nag-aalala sa anak. Maniwala ka. Isa akong ina. Alam ko ang pakiramdam. 

So anong pinaghuhugutan ko nito ngayon? Nagtext yung kapatid ko e. Syempre, habang tumatagal, nagiging mas makulit, magulo at pasaway and anak ko. Leveling! Nagaaway na naman daw sila nung yougner brother ko dahil sa lintik na LEGO na yan!!!

Tapos, nagpunta sa sulok yung anak ko. My sister heard her saying, "I'm stupid." 

That one-liner sentence bothered me. Well-loved ang anak ko syempre. Unica hija ko at solong apo ng pamilya namen. At kahit pa broken family kami ng Daddy nya, kahit kailan man, di ito naging o magiging kakulangan sa amount at quality of love na natatamo nya.

But despite of that, there are different facets that can influence her. Firstly, I am not a plain mother who stays at home. I work 2pm-11pm daily. And those 9 hrs that I am away from her makes me clueless of how she is for those hours that I am not around. Seems to be a lame excuse but legit for someone who is a working-single parent.

Secondly, TV entertains her a lot. Yan yung primary pang-aliw sa mga kids e. As I go to work, what's left for her to do is to watch Cartoon Network. She changes channel from CN to Nickelodeon to whatever channel she prefers. Being a 5yr old kid, she knows exactly what she wants to watch. Adventure Time, Ni Hao Kailan, Gumball, Dora the Explorer etc are among her all-time favorite programs. 

Feeling ko lang, may mga naa-adopt syang mga bagay bagay or lines from those TV programs that are inappropriate. Na true naman. I need to be more strict and maybe by changing my working schedule I can monitor her more.

Whether you are a child or not, I guess, it will never be fine to say those words. Uplifting kids moral is really substantial since this will be one of their foundations about life. They are never suppose to feel upset nor down upon things that aren't special. Or kahit ano pa man, I never want my child to feel awful about herself. Walang batang makararanas dapat ng ganun. 

Nakakasama ng loob. Naramdaman ko na na-crack yung puso ko. Ang OA no? Pero try mo maging isang ina. Ay hindi. Isang mapagmahal at maarugang ina, dun mo lang ako maiintindihan. 

Gusto kong mag-teleport. Gusto kong iugoy ang anak ko sa mga oras na ito. Kahit pa ang bigat-bigat nya na.